“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self.” – Ernest Hemingway

What is the difference between a man who opens the door for somebody because society tells him it is the right thing to do and a man who does it to ensure that the person feels respected? What is the difference between a man who dresses well for his Instagram post and a man who dresses well to respect himself, the people around him and the opportunities he is granted without the guarantee of likes or comments?

Years ago, men strove for a higher standard. The way they spoke, dressed, walked and even sat aimed to achieve a level of courtesy, kindness and respect that has been seemingly overlooked in recent years. In the age of AirPods and pajama pants, the standard of excellence upheld by earlier generations has fallen through the cracks, and it is about time we bring it back.

Before delving into the process of restoring the title “gentleman” to its former glory, we must first define it. While social media platforms and modern influences may consider the gentleman someone who posts pictures of himself in a suit and wearing “old money” style, being a gentleman is not just an aesthetic. Being a gentleman takes more than the threads on your back and the keys in your pocket. Being a gentleman takes a combination of integrity, kindness and a genuine concern for the well-being of others.

The characteristics of a gentleman transcend the boundaries that divide many of us today. A gentleman does not need to come from a wealthy background, nor does he need to be of a certain religious belief or political alignment. A gentleman is someone who carries confidence without arrogance, demonstrates his intelligence without being condescending and fosters self-respect without disrespecting others. He feels no need to compete or prove himself in any given situation, for he is comfortable in his own skin.

At the core of being a gentleman is a belief that everyone deserves respect, kindness and generosity. No matter the situation, a gentleman always assesses his context with these ideals at heart. Whether faced with belligerence or praise, hard work or leisure, he always meets it with grace and compassion.

While these characteristics do portray a portion of the gentleman, the final piece, the defining characteristic, is the one that no one sees. It is easy to believe and embody these characteristics when in front of an audience. Any guy can open the door on a first date, but a true gentleman is he who embodies these beliefs and characteristics behind the curtain, holding himself to a higher standard every day, all day, even when no one is looking. That is where the dignity and nobility of being a gentleman come from; the work he puts into improving himself behind closed doors, refusing to succumb to the rubric’s bare minimum. A gentleman focuses his energy on exceeding expectations even when he knows that nobody is there to applaud.

Many of the problems we are faced with today, whether it be political, social or any other, can be fixed or aided if we, as a society, choose to bring back the “gentleman.” If we agree to push ourselves to excellence every day, even when there are no spectators or cheerleaders, as a whole, we can improve. If we choose to treat each other with the kindness, courtesy and grace that are embodied in the idea of a gentleman, as a society, we can remedy so many of the ailments that we face. Not only would we be bringing back the gentleman, but the gentle man, and that is something that we could all benefit from.

So, open the door, offer the handkerchief and carry the bags, not because society told you to, but with the intention of making the world a better place for yourself and those around you. Bring back the gentleman.