The new TV season is starting! Check out the premieres of great new shows and the return of popular favorites.

CBS:

How I Met Your Mother: Entering its eighth season Mondays, Ted continues to tell his children the story of how he met their mother, and now we definitely, without a doubt know it’s not Robin, given the cliffhanger they left us with last season. @ 8:00 p.m.
Partners: The ultimate bromance – a new comedy about two best friends who move into the same apartment. They both take big steps in their respective relationships, but both get complicated because of the fact that one of them is gay. Mondays @ 8:30 p.m.
Two Broke Girls: The surprisingly hilarious returning comedy about two young women working at a diner but dreaming of opening a cupcake shop together one day. It has all the style of a classic ’80s sitcom, but today that usually means it’s offensive. Mondays @ 9:00 p.m.
Big Bang Theory: The returning sitcom about socially awkward genius scientists who find the world of science fiction more tolerable than the real one. It’s geeky but cute. Thursdays @ 8:00 p.m.
Two and a Half Men: Even before Charlie Sheen went off the deep end, the show was going downhill. CBS is still holding onto the hope that the Ashton Kutcher replacement will save it. I’m doubtful. Thursdays @ 8:30 p.m.
Elementary: Sherlock is making a comeback. Again. But this time he’s American and Watson is a woman? The “liberal media” is taking it too far. Thursdays @ 10:00 p.m.

NBC:

Revolution: When all the technology in the world fails, the people of Earth have to learn how to survive using their primal survivor instincts. Hordes of movies have already been made, it’s TV’s turn. Mondays @ 10:00 p.m.
Go On: Matthew Perry’s ongoing attempts to relaunch his comedic career after “Friends.” Perry plays a radio show host who loses the only woman he ever loved and is forced to attend group therapy, where his Jeff Winger-ish attitude is more helpful to the patient than the actual therapist. Just another “Community”-like show. Tuesdays @ 9:00 p.m.
The New Normal: When two male partners from the city dream of being fathers and a pregnant Midwestern woman is dreading becoming a single mother, the two parties realized they can help each other, but their families intervene. Tuesdays @ 9:30 p.m.
Animal Practice: An animal hospital is run without order by a veterinarian who prefers animals to humans. Wednesdays @ 8:00 p.m.
30 Rock: The final season of Tina Fey’s spoof of the intricate workings of SNL at NBC under the rule of power boss Jack Donaghy. Thursdays @ 8:00 p.m.
Up All Night: A completely unique show about a working mom and a house-husband raising a baby girl and maintaining their carefree lifestyles at the same time. Thursdays @ 8:30 p.m.
The Office: The final season of the iconic documentary-like show with the outrageous characters of Jim Halpert, Dwight Schrute, and Kevin Mallone. Thursdays @ 9:00 p.m.
Parks and Recreation: Amy Poehler’s and Nick Offerman’s documentary-like show about city government official that will continue the legacy of “The Office’s” style. Thursdays @ 9:30 p.m.
Community: The study group returns to Greendale. One of the truly funniest shows on TV today, unfortunately out in the Friday night death-slot. Fridays @ 8:30 p.m.
Grimm: The surprisingly renewed season of the police-procedural that centers on fairy tale creatures in Portland that only the descendant of the Grimm Brothers can see. A cross between “Buffy” and “Once Upon a Time.”  Fridays @ 9:00 p.m.

ABC:

Castle: The fifth season of the detective-procedural about the pulp writer who assists the NYPD in solving murders, and of course there’s the obligatory will-they-or-won’t-they romantic tension between writer Rick Castle and detective Kate Beckett. Mondays @ 10:00 p.m.
Happy Endings: The new “Friends”: everyone thought that it would try too hard and fail, but Happy Endings has managed to fulfill the high standards set by the original apartment-sharing buddies. Tuesdays @ 9:00 p.m.
Don’t Trust the B—-: The crude comedy about two roommates: June had a successful job at a mortgage company until her boss was arrested and unemployment forces her to move in with con-artist Chloe, the B—-. James Van Der Beek guest stars as himself. Tuesdays @ 9:30 p.m.
Suburgatory: A smart and actually funny show about the “perfect” suburbs and the city father and daughter who combat the Stepford life with extreme sarcasm. Wednesdays @ 9:00 p.m.
Modern Family: Another “The Office”-like show that has been grabbing Emmys and Golden Globes left and right for comedy every year since its premiere. It’s worth watching if you you’ve never seen it before. Wednesdays @ 9:30 p.m.
Last Resort: When a naval submarine crew refuses to follow orders to fire nuclear missiles on another country, they are declared enemies of the state and are forced top set up camp on a remote island while they try to clear their names. Premiers Sept 27, Thursdays @8:00 p.m.
Grey’s Anatomy: The world famous medical drama is going into its ninth and still not final season. Plenty of fictional diseases and unrealistic workplace romances to go around. Thursdays @9:00 p.m.
Once Upon a Time: The very popular show following the current fad of bringing back fairy tales with a twist enters its second season, and everyone who watched last year is waiting to find out what the new curse is going to be. Sundays @ 8:00 p.m.

CW:

90210: The over-the-top teen drama returns to face last season’s cliff-hanger of Dixon hurt in a car accident. Expect more ridiculous fights and petty arguments and over-dramatic tears than ever before. Mondays @ 8:00 p.m.
Gossip Girl: Returning for a sixth and final, shortened season. There will be enough affairs, almost-marriages, almost-pregnancies, and almost-deaths to satisfy any guilty pleasure. Mondays @ 9:00 p.m.
Arrow: The new show about a billionaire who went missing years ago at sea, but returns as a skilled archer who uses an alter-ego to become a nighttime vigilante. He tries to restore Gotham City –  I mean Starling City – to its former greatness with the help of his trusty sidekick Robin – I mean Speedy – in the fashion of Robin Hood. Because the CW’s never tried adapting successful comics into TV shows…except for “Smallville” and “Aquaman.” Wednesdays @ 8:00 p.m.
Supernatural: The eighth season of this surprisingly good horror show returns soon with its craziest settings yet: Dean is trapped in Purgatory with an insane Cas, and Sammy is alone with an all-powerful Crowley. Scary and self-aware, this is by far the best show on the CW. The only good show, actually. Wednesdays @ 9:00 p.m.
Vampire Diaries: This is the single most ridiculous show on TV, I don’t know how anyone can get through more than one episode. It’s popularity, unfortunately, is still growing, which means that millions of poor souls are going to tune in and find out that the one character who isn’t a vampire on the show finally will be. Thursdays @ 8:00 p.m.
Beauty and the Beast: The new show about a Hulk with a heart and a strong female homicide detective that is sure to touch our hearts…as we try to rip them out because this will be awful. Thursdays @ 9:00 p.m.
Nikita: Enemies became lovers, allies became enemies, but the goal is still the same for spy Nikita: take down the government agency Division that ruined her life. Friday at @ 9:00 p.m.

Fox:

Bones: The eighth season of  Fox’s crime-procedural dramedy about a rational forensic anthropologist and a manly-man FBI agent who use a team of specialized geniuses to solve crimes.Mondays @ 8:00 p.m.
Raising Hope: The “Scrubs”-type comedy about a single dad living with his two hick parents while raising his baby daughter. Smarter than expected, which means it’s too good for Fox. Tuesdays @ 8:00 p.m.
Ben and Kate: The newest addition to the Tuesday comedy block about single mom Kate who takes in her down-on-his-luck brother Ben to help out around the house while he tries to put his life back together. Tuesdays @ 8:30 p.m.
New Girl: The definition of the word adorkable, centering on quirky Jess as she tries to get along with her three male roommates: control-freak Schmidt, depressed Nick, and unemployed Winston. Tuesdays @ 9:00 p.m.
The Mindy Project: “The Office’s” Mindy Kaling stars in her own show about a doctor who keeps trying to make her professional and personal life work like a movie. Tuesdays @ 9:30 p.m.
Glee: This isn’t what high school is like at all and they don’t even sing that well! Those few who did have now left the show, anyways. Who’s left and how fast will people lose interest? Thursdays @ 9:00 p.m.
Animation Domination: Who doesn’t love the classic “Simpsons”, the offensive “Bob’s Burgers”, and the more offensive but clever “Family Guy”? No one likes “American Dad.” Sundays @ 8:00 p.m.

AMC:

Hell on Wheels: The 1860’s drama about building the railroads during the American Industrial Revolution while a man seeks revenge for the death of his wife. Sundays @ 9:00 p.m.
The Walking Dead: Entering its third season, the incredibly-made drama about a group of people fighting off the Walkers in a zombie apocalypse continues to break records every time it airs, and after last season’s completely wild ending, it’ll probably set the highest record ever made in TV history. Returns Oct 14th, Sundays @ 10:00 p.m.

HBO:

Boardwalk Empire: Based on the life of Enoch Johnson, an influential and corrupt New York politician during the Prohibition era who uses his power with the Jewish and Italian mobs and his position as Treasurer to fund his playboy lifestyle. Steve Buscemi breaking out of his acting shell with Martin Scorcese directing and producing. Returns Sept 16, Sundays at 9:00 p.m.

BBC America:

Doctor Who: The Asylum of the Daleks, dinosaurs on a spaceship, Amy and Rory’s last season as the Doctor’s companions and a new replacement, and an attack of the Weeping Angels. But still the same cool bowtie. Saturdays @ 8:00 p.m.
Copper: BBC America’s first original scripted show about the New York slums in Five Points at the end of the Civil War; basically the TV version of “Gangs of New York.” It’s not afraid, it’s gritty, but a little less socially-realistic than I hoped. It did great on its series premiere and I’m confident that it will get eve better as time goes on. Sundays @ 9:00 p.m.