When it comes to teenage romances, there is a game. No, not that game that you just lost, but a mind game. Male or female, most of us can admit to having participated in the game one time or another. From waiting a certain amount of time to text back in order to maintain the “hard to get” persona, to texting all of your friends and asking them for unnecessary advice, the game can be exhausting. It’s a constant cycle of self induced stress, so why do we all insist on playing it?

Well, we’re teenagers. We live our lives wanting and pretending to be way older than we are, while still acting and getting treated way younger than we are — especially when it comes to relationships.

I’ve come to the conclusion that we play the game because we all second guess ourselves too much. Through playing the game, we suppress our true selves to be sure that the object of our affection remains interested. So girls refuse to send that first text, and completely freak out when the reply comes later than expected. Guys, on the other hand, don’t like to show affection because God forbid they look too “whipped” in front of their friends.

All these rules and unfair gender roles that society has forced us to maintain have done nothing but confuse us and force us to over think even the most simple scenarios, resulting in a game that’s no fun, but that everyone seems to play.

The solution?

Be real.

Don’t get me wrong — the initial period of engaging in a new fling is always fun — you wait for their name to pop up on your phone, and when it finally does, your heart skips a beat. You make plans to hang out and are disappointed when they don’t work out. You’re nervous and excited and anxious about what the future holds, and that’s okay, because you’re still testing the waters, but you can only keep your toes dangling above the edge of the pool for so long.

So yes, play the game. Be flirty. Make the chase fun, but all good things should always be in moderation because eventually, it will get old.

I’m not at all encouraging anyone who’s in the beginning stages of a potential relationship to start talking about marriage, kids, going to college together, or even your anniversary, because that’s weird and you’ll probably scare your lover away, but for some reason unknown to me, teenagers seem to struggle with telling each other how they feel.

Over the summer, my 22-year-old cousin from Minnesota stayed with my family and I for a few weeks. Prior to that, she met a guy at a wedding. They clicked, and both admitted to liking each other and wanting to keep in contact, so they did. There were no games. No taking 2 hours to reply to a text message out of spite. No holding back what they wanted to say to each other. They were into each other; and they showed it by talking on the phone, FaceTiming, making plans to meet again soon, getting to know each other, and being honest about how they felt. It’s that simple.

The thrill of the chase is an exhilarating feeling, but the truth is that after a while, patience on at least one end of the party runs thin. The chaser gets tired of chasing someone who keeps on running 10 steps ahead of them with no intention of slowing down, and the game gets old.

The question is though, when does the game end? Is it after the first date? The first kiss? The problem is that most of us have no idea when the other person is getting serious.

I understand that one may not want to express how they feel about another person because of a fear of scaring them away, but is it better to be confused all the time about where you may stand with someone, or be at peace with a situation, no matter what the outcome is?

The point that I’m trying to get across is this: if you’re in a hardcore flirtationship with someone, and are starting to develop feelings, tell them. Not in a creepy “I think I’m in love with you and I want to run away and get married as soon as possible” way, but in a “hey, we’ve been getting to know each other pretty well lately, and I see this going somewhere” way.

If you’re willing to have that conversation, chances are that some sort of relationship has already been established, so your Romeo or Juliet will be relieved that you were brave enough to bring up the conversation that they’ve probably been dying to have. If you get turned down, however, that might suck for a while, but think of it this way: why would you want to waste your time being with someone who makes you feel special, flirts with you, and gives you all the signs of wanting to be in a relationship with no intention of following through? That’s called being led on, and those of us who have been led on know how confusing and frustrating it is. And to those of us who like to lead people on… well, sorry not sorry, but you guys are the worst.

If a guy or girl doesn’t love the thought of being with you, then he or she is not worth your time, anyways.

The bottom line is that the game is fun to an extent, but there comes a point when the player needs to take a timeout, reevaluate the play that they want to make, and go for the big win.

As simple as all of this is, there is no denying that there are obstacles. Sometimes, when getting to know someone that you think could be a big part of your life, something forces you to realize that you’re suddenly in too deep and you need to get out before it goes any farther.

We’re human and sometimes we can’t control the way that we feel, but I promise you that telling that person that you’re no longer interested — although it may hurt them at the time — will hurt them one million times less than you giving them the cold shoulder and forcing them to rack their brains for something that they did wrong while you ignore them to take the easy way out.

Which goes back to one of my main points: be real.

Play the game until the game gets old.

When you start to develop feelings for someone, tell them, but don’t be too intense.

If you’re losing interest, tell the person, but don’t be a jerk about it.

The game only works if it has its players. Be strong enough within yourself to not succumb to the brief perils of being a teenager.