Every girl has that one guy she just can’t seem to get over. Whether it was an untimely break up or the loss of a first love, we all have one. No matter how we got there, we just need to figure out how to get past that guy. That’s where things get tricky, but if you follow the steps below (honestly that is), hopefully you’ll be able to move past him.
- Cut him out of your life. That means no texting, calling, or hanging out. There’s no way to move on when you’re busy holding onto the past, so the best thing is space – at least for a little while. The idea of being friends with your ex isn’t likely right after a break up because it takes time to adjust to the changes that come with a break up.
- Wallow. When you lose someone you care about, it’s difficult and pretty sad, so it’s okay to wallow – just make sure it isn’t for too long. So, put on The Notebook or P.S. I Love You grab some Ben & Jerry’s and just wallow.
- Open up to your friends. Despite the feeling that you can’t trust anyone anymore, your friends care, and they want to help you. Let them be there for you as you get over the break up. Even if they get a little suffocating, just keep in mind it’s because they care and want you to be happy again.
- Take another look at your relationship…without your love blinders on. I’ve noticed that everyone tends to let things slide when they like someone (including myself), so take a look back at your relationship again. It’s pretty likely that the guy wasn’t as great as you thought he was once you take a second look.
- Say your final goodbye. Whether you have the courage to do it face-to-face or you just decide to write a letter and never send it, closure is crucial to moving on. The sooner that you’re ready to take that step, the sooner you can move on.
- Focus on yourself. Chances are that at some point in the relationship, you started letting a few things slide. Whether it was grades, friendships, or dreams you were pursuing, take some time to focus on those thing, but most importantly, focus on yourself. Decide what you want in your life right now and check to make sure you’re acting like the person you want to be. It’s important to figure out yourself before you throw a new guy into your life again.
- Consider what you’ve learned. With every relationship, whether it was a mistake or not, there come many lessons – both good and bad. Reflect back on that as well, so you can learn from your mistakes and realize what thing worked out well. It can help you better yourself as a person an improve your future relationships.
- Move on, casually. The final step is moving on, but only once you’re ready. It’s easy to forget about the last relationship when you rush into a new one, but it’s not a good idea. Make sure you’re happy before you throw yourself into a new relationship. If you throw your hopes of a perfect relationship onto a new guy when you aren’t even ready for a new relationship, you’re just setting yourself up for another break-up so make sure you’re ready first!
lexa brown • Nov 23, 2012 at 1:36 AM
What if you weeny in a relationship with the person but they liked you and said face to face they did and you really liked them back and you thought you were in love with them but then a girl comes along saying that they go out? I need to get over him!!!!!!
A Girl • Mar 16, 2011 at 11:01 PM
Are you kidding me? The fact that this article is about BOYS hurting GIRL’S feelings is sexist in nature; if we (girls) go on thinking that boys have to be “chivalrous” to be “romantic,” we will be miserable because we will never find a guy that suits these sexist standards. Thus, we will have to follow these unnecessary (and completely flawed) steps to forgetting that “unforgettable guy,” and in doing so watch sexist movies (P.S. I Love You, where the woman is incapable of loving herself spiritually and needs the guidance of a dead man, and The Notebook-just look at who’s taking care of whom). And how is this advice even applicable to the gay population of Niles West? If anything we are just making things worse because this article implicitly states that the only real love is between men and women. Continuing this grieving cycle will only lead to misery and quiet frankly, obesity.
Maybe what we should really forget is the unspoken societal demands women have of relationships and just love-but truly very few people know what love really is. Love is not the ability to put your life on the line for someone else, love is not meaningless sex, love is not drugs and alcohol, love is not that couple in the hallway groping each other as if they were to die in the next 42 minutes of algebra class without each other, and most of all love is not maxing out on Ben and Jerry’s to fill a void you so ignorantly created. Those are things people do because they don’t know what love is-because lets face it, no one ever told them.
Besides the fact that I think boyfriends/girlfriends/marriage are completely sexist because they’re based on owning each other (come on, girls are born with their fathers name then get their husbands, I don’t think so), if you find yourself in “heartbreak,” after a relationship, maybe instead of blaming the guy and following these meaningless tips you should backtrack and examine what YOU did wrong.
I know this is just an article for the school paper that’s just there to get some extra attention, it is indeed flawed and girls and guys should have knowledge that this is NOT the belief all women everywhere. Figure out what love truly means, not what society has labeled it to be, and then you will be happy. It’s that simple.
A boy called Jeremy • Mar 17, 2011 at 9:46 AM
>The fact that this article is about BOYS hurting GIRL’S feelings is sexist in nature;
That is so true. It IS ONLY sexists when boys hurt girls. Only boys hurt girls.
>go on thinking that boys have to be “chivalrous” to be “romantic,” we will be miserable because we will never find a guy that suits these sexist standards
Righto! There is undeniable proof that not a single chivalrous or romantic man exists in this world. All of the billions of men on this earth, every single one of them is just some, sexual fiend of hedonistic pleasure, who can never go a day without breaking a sweet and innocent girls heart. A girl who never complained about her man, a girl who always payed half on all their dates, a girl who never went on some hellbent manic episode about how she has been victimized by everyone in the entire world, a girl who has a completely clean history, and a girl who has never cheated either. Men are the villans and the only villians.
>If anything we are just making things worse because this article implicitly states that the only real love is between men and women.
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for gay marriage and rights. But please, no one has a Ph.D in love. Unless you happen to be in the O’Jays, and the conductor of the Love Train.
>Besides the fact that I think boyfriends/girlfriends/marriage are completely sexist because they’re based on owning each other
People being together is sexist. Because if you even so much as think about participating in a mutual relationship you will have joined the enemy, the evil, dirty, sexist men who live to break your heart.
>if you find yourself in “heartbreak,” after a relationship, maybe instead of blaming the guy and following these meaningless tips you should backtrack and examine what YOU did wrong.
Maybe instead of blaming the guy, OR BLAMING YOURSELF, you could just move on and date someone else 🙂
Colene Gibson • Mar 17, 2011 at 4:53 PM
Well, thank you both for your opinions. I appreciate you guys pointing out that there are more possiblilities to relationships, but I’m speaking about my perspective, which is why this is only a column.
I chose not to speak for the gay population or the male population because I’m not a part of either, so pretending to be would be unjust to them and their opinions. I am also stating my opinion, not those of all girls. I’m sure plenty will disagree with me such as A Girl, but some may agree as well such as RKELLY.
I’m glad that you pointed out that there is also an article, not a book. I simply wrote about my opinion on a single issue. If the girl had hurt the guy, which I fully believe is possible, then chances are she’s not too torn up about it and looking for advice. There are a lot of possibilities and a lot of scenarios, but writing about them all would end in a book. Besides, I’m NOT an expert. I’m just trying to help out someone that might have been struggling with an issue I thought I could advise them on.
I also never said guys had to be “chivalrous” or “romantic.” I agree that that is a stereotype that society faces, but in reality, no one wants to get into a relationship (no matter what gender or sexuality) with someone that is going to treat them poorly.
This article also doesn’t recommend a continuous “grieving cycle” either. Only step 2 recommends taking time to wallow with ice cream and movies. If someone would prefer to watch horror movies instead of chick flicks or romance films, that’s their choice. The rest of the steps are about moving on. (I still believe it’s necessary to wallow over things that are difficult to get over, but I agree that continuing it too long can be harmful.) Looking at the relationship and what can be learned about from it are both ways that someone could see where things went wrong, including their own faults). The final step recommends moving on too.
I understand that Niles West is a diverse school with many students that have differences from my life. This is strictly a column I wrote and it is in no way supposed to reflect the views, beliefs, genders, sexualities, opinions, relationships, or lifestyles of every student. Thank you for your opinions and comments though.
RKELLY • Mar 16, 2011 at 10:02 AM
Well said.