It’s Almost Friday, Friday

By Ivana Kosir

I hope my Fri-day, Fri-day,which comes after Thursday and before Saturday and Sunday (who knew?), isn’t anything close to Rebecca Black’s.

On March 14, 2011, Black, who is 13 years old,  released the song “Friday” as a single on iTunes. Yes, a song as horrible as this can be purchased.

Just about everything is wrong with the song. From the lyrics to the video to the vocals, it just sucks. There is only one truly positive thing I can say about the “Friday” video. Anytime you’re in the need for a laugh, just search Rebecca Black-Friday (OFFICIAL VIDEO) on YouTube, and you’re granted three minutes and 48 seconds of laughter.

For those of you who haven’t seen the video yet, let me fill you in on this viral hit. For those of you who have, allow yourselves to indulge in my scene-by-scene analysis.

The video starts with Black getting out of bed at 7:00 am. Mind you, her makeup is done already. She goes downstairs to “have her bowl” and she “gotta have cereal.” Whatever. She makes her way to the bus stop, which is marked with a yellow diamond sign that reads “BUS STOP.” How so realistic. Her four 13-year-old friends drive up in a convertible that seats five people. “Which seat can [she] ta-ke?” Jeez… tough one.

They reappear going to a party at 7:45 in different outfits in the next scene. Three girls are sitting on the top of the convertible… driving down a highway. Do the laws of physics not apply in California?

They finally reach the party. “Yeah!” They’re about to “[get] down on Friday.” The party miraculously turns into something like a concert. The crowd resembles a mini mosh pit with a bunch of tweens attempting to fist pump, but then even they realize how lame it is and let the fist-pumping die.

In between scenes of this “party,” a man driving a car down the highway starts rapping about driving fast behind a school bus on a Friday and “R-B.” Let me tell you, I think we got a new Pitbull in our midst. The end.

Oh wait, I forgot the part where Black explains to us the order of the days of the week. “Yesterday was Thursday,”  “Today i-is Friday,” “Tomorrow is Saturday,” and “Sunday comes after-wards” are all included in the song. The Californian education system should be proud of their kindergarten curriculum.

However, the third grade curriculum isn’t as up to par. Perhaps the song writers were never taught that a complete sentence needs a verb. “We-we-we so excited/ We so excited.”

On top of the dragging video and lyrics, the vocals were, um…., unique. (A.K.A. I’ve never heard worse editing before.) Beware of Black’s voice; it sounds nasely and screechy at times.

Before you go bash “Friday” in the way I just did, please remember that, according to Wikipedia, Rebecca Black did not compose this song. Blame (or praise) this one on Clarence Jay and Patrice Wilson.