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The 2013 Golden Globes: Twice as Funny, Now with Zero Gervais!

By Galina Velgach

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For the first time in years, the Golden Globes got a little interesting. For one thing, Ricky Gervais didn’t host a fourth time, thankfully, and the show was hosted by two people who could be smart and funny at the same time: Tina Fey (“30 Rock”) and Amy Poehler (“Parks and Recreation.”) Also, this year brought forth some memorable moments that aren’t soon to be forgotten by the internet. Tommy Lee Jones’ signature stoneface during Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell’s skit earned him his own meme next to Grumpy Cat and Scott Aukerman’s tweet, “Congrats to Tommy Lee Jones for his brave fight against humor.” With a surprise appearance by former-President Bill Clinton, Jodie Foster’s beyond awkward Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award acceptance speech, and Fey and Poehler’s hilarious commentaries all showed that the key to a great awards show is the eternal banishment of Ricky Gervais from the stage. Even the speeches were a big improvement; the number of blondes hyperventilating dropped 75%.

For the categories in Cinema:

Best Motion Picture, Drama: “Argo” –  An expected win. I don’t think it really was the best picture, but I wasn’t surprised.
Best Director of a Motion Picture: Ben Affleck for “Argo” –  You can’t have one without the other. Best Picture and Best Director almost always go together.
Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama: Daniel Day-Lewis for “Lincoln” –  Duh. These days, you can’t have someone portray a historical figure without winning every award. Not to say that DDL didn’t deserve it
Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama: Jessica Chastain for “Zero Dark Thirty” –  Again, duh. What else are you going to do with a deep drama about Osama Bin Laden with a strong female lead, not nominate it?
Best Motion Picture, Comedy/Musical: “Les Miserables” –  There was virtually no competition. I don’t like that Comedy and Musical are in the same category; otherwise “Moonrise Kingdom”
Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy/Musical: Hugh Jackman for “Les Miserables” – How did Bill Murray or Jack Black not win? Hugh was good enough, but not better than Bill Murray!
Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy/Musical: Jennifer Lawrence for “Silver Linings Playbook” – Yeah, okay.
Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture: Anne Hathaway for “Les Miserables” – There was no doubting she would win. Bet on her for the Oscars, too.
Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture: Christoph Waltz for “Django Unchained” – He was fantastic in “Inglorious Basterds,” which shot him up into Hollywood fame, and he was equally fantastic as dentist/bounty hunter Dr. King; shoe-in for the Oscars, too.
Best Screenplay in a Motion Picture: Quentin Tarantino for “Django Unchained” – Easily the best screenplay of the year, save for “Moonrise Kingdom.”
Best Animated Feature Film: “Brave” – How could they snub “Wreck-it Ralph” ?!

For the categories in Television:

Best Television Series, Drama: “Homeland” – “Homeland” was the least deserving of an award this year. “Downton Abbey,” “Boardwalk Empire,” “The Newsroom,” and especially “Breaking Bad” were far more worthy of an award instead.
Best Actor in a TV Series, Drama: Damien Lewis for “Homeland” – Same goes for the actors of these shows.
Best Actress in a TV Series, Drama: Claire Danes for “Homeland” – And again.
Best Actor in a TV Series, Comedy/Musical: Don Cheadle for “House of Lies” – This was well deserved, Don Cheadle is awesome.
Best Actress in a TV Series, Comedy/Musical: Lena Dunham for “Girls” – The nominees this year were all phenomenal and all deserving of the award, including the two hostesses.
Best TV Series, Comedy/Musical: “Girls” – Acclaimed as one of the funniest and most “unrealistically real” series on TV right now, “Girls” definitely deserved the win.
Best Miniseries/TV Movie: “Game Change” – The McCain/Palin team has nothing on BBCA’s “The Hour” or USA’s “Political Animals,” this was a completely unfair result.
Best Actor in a TV Series/Miniseries/TV Movie: Kevin Costner for “Hatfields and McCoys”
Best Actress in a TV Series/Miniseries/TV Movie: Maggie Smith for “Downton Abbey” – Biggest non-surprise ever. No one can beat Maggie.
Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series/Miniseries/TV Movie: Julianne Moore for “Game Change” – I don’t see how a movie about Sarah Palin would list Sarah Palin as a supporting character.
Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series/Miniseries/TV Movie: Ed Harris for “Game Change” – Harris doesn’t quite strike me as “Maverick” McCain, and Mandy Patinkin or Max Greenfield deserved it way more.

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