Scrolling down my Facebook feed, I see so many beautifully written, heartfelt statuses dedicated to J.T. Fontelera, a beloved student who passed away Sept. 30, 2013.
Some of the statuses include memories, while others recognized that they didn’t share a close relationship with J.T. but wanted to send their condolences. The death of J.T. was certainly a shock for all of us. Although I grew up with J.T. and went to elementary school with him, we didn’t really have a close relationship in high school, but his passing has affected me in so many different ways. Only a few years ago, we were graduating eighth grade together and now I’m planning to attend a memorial for him. As much as I want to make this an article totally dedicated to the memory of J.T., it’s with a heavy heart and tear-filled eyes that I’m writing this article with the way our student body has reacted to this event.
I am almost at a loss of words with some of the events I’ve seen on Facebook. Let’s steer away from J.T. for a moment and take a quick look at the 2014 Facebook group, where all you see are countless fights and arguments over absolutely nothing. It’s so ridiculous. We fight about spirit days, assemblies, student government, senior ditch days, the list literally could go on forever. I’m so tired of the type of relationship this class has, always attacking and cyber bullying each other for absolutely no reason.
Tying this dysfunctional relationship back to J.T., as I was peacefully scrolling through the lovely memories written about him, I came across about five or so different statuses each pursuing the basic idea that some people shouldn’t be writing statuses about J.T. because they didn’t know him well enough, or that some students’ sadness was fake. To say the least, I’m horrified. I can’t even believe that some of you have the nerve to write something like this. Shame on anyone who are putting others down for expressing their condolences and sadness on a social networking site. Whether these people knew J.T. or not, every single student at Niles West has the right to express their grief. J.T. was part of the Niles West family and I know for a fact that every student is feeling some form of sadness in their heart for this passing and the fact that some of you are putting others down for this is beyond my capacity for words.
Just some general advice for the future, Niles West students, a death of any student is a horrible loss for the community. J.T. was one of us. He was a seventeen year old who went to school, participated in activities and was growing up into a mature adult, with amazing potential for the future and the fact that some of you are “policing” people for expressing their feelings is uncalled for. You would think that a death would bring the class of 2014 and our school together, and even though it’s brought some of us closer, it’s also tearing some of us apart. This is a time where we need to come together as community and console each other.
J.T. was a beloved son, friend, and student. His death has brought many things into perspective. Whether it be the shortness of life or the deliciousness of bacon cupcakes, I think we can all come out of this tragic experience with the motivation to live our lives to the fullest and treat others with respect. Rest in peace, J.T. Wherever you are, I hope you can see that you were and will continue to be loved and appreciated throughout the whole Niles West family.
Rachael Kossy • Oct 4, 2013 at 4:06 PM
I was also shocked seeing comments guilting students who “didn’t know JT well enough to express their grief.” When anyone dies, especially someone so young, it is a tragedy. I didn’t know JT very well, but I was still genuinely saddened by his passing. Thank you for writing this article.
Brandon Muelle • Oct 3, 2013 at 6:37 PM
Thank you for writing this article. J.T. is one of those students who is known by everyone in some way. He is part of our family. J.T. once told me something that I never forgot: “Blood is what makes us related, but love is what makes us family.” I called him my brother because I loved him like a brother. Just because someone doesn’t know J.T. has much as others did, does not mean they cannot express their grief.
Anon class of 2013 • Oct 3, 2013 at 6:35 PM
Yes, we all have a right to grieve. But I also want to bring the opposite perspective, maybe slanted a little bit. JT was different then most people, for sure. His quirky personality and outgoingness led many people to think he was weird. Freshmen year, I remember a fair few people just talking about that, and not weird in the good way. I was fairly close to JT; we had a few classes together and we talked. And being shy and introverted as I still am, I was glad to have JT to talk to. Some others though, not so much. On the day of his passing, I saw many many posts on his facebook wall, mourning and sharing memories through wall posts. But then I came across one person who I specifically remember making fun of him. That, that just made me sick. I didn’t say anything, but inside my mind I thought, HYPOCRITE. I think that this is what most people are trying to get at. RIP JT, I’ll never forget one of my few close friends freshmen year.
Anonymous • Oct 4, 2013 at 7:09 PM
You’re assuming that the people mourning for him haven’t also regret for the disrespect they had for him in the past (which definitely does happen, especially after that person’s death)
Minnie • Oct 3, 2013 at 4:20 PM
A similar thing happened to me when I decided to attend somebody’s funeral at Fairview. The class of 2010 might remember this; when I got back to school later that day, I found out that a large amount of students had been gossiping about me because I didn’t “know” the student in question and thus didn’t have a right to be in attendance at their service. It was one of many, many, many instances of when I was bullied at Fairview, but it’s especially relevant now and such a thing is uncalled for.
Ms. Gross • Oct 3, 2013 at 9:32 AM
Thank you for writing this, Breana. Everyone has a different way of dealing with death, and it’s important to refrain from judging others’ feelings.