Four days before my eighteenth birthday, I found out that the guy I liked for over six months, was going to his homecoming with another girl. This is someone who I had spent the majority of my summer with, texted funny pictures to on the regular, and who even met most of my family. I was completely “sprung” on him, and when I found out this information, my heart needed about a whole box of BandAids. Now, I know you’re thinking that this is an article to sabotage to him, but you’re wrong. That’s the farthest thing from my intention, and in all honesty, I could never hate him.

Teenage girls are in love with the idea of being in love. Am I wrong? When you’re scrolling through Instagram and you see your friend’s picture with a table full of Reeses Peanut Butter cups, Sour Gummy Worms, and Hot Cheetos with the caption “my baby brings me junk food when I’m sick, he’s so perfect,” we automatically get that mindset where we think, “wow, it’d be nice to have a boyfriend that showed me that love.”

The fact of the matter is, and this is the whole point of my column; you don’t need a boy to make you happy.

I see it all the time while I’m scrolling through social media and see girls posting pictures with their “boo” that was just flirting with another girl on the same social media site last week for everyone to see. People see it, and think to themselves, “that girl can do so much better, I wonder why she’s still with him.” Yet in the end, the poor girl still goes back to that one guy, even though he flirts with other girls openly, and maybe even disrespects the girl right in front of her face.

The mindblowing question is this: why do we rely on boys for our own personal happiness? Yeah it’s nice when they’re there to tell us we’re beautiful, text us cute messages during school, and kiss us under the rain (I don’t know if that’s happened to any of you, but it’s a pretty cool experience), but what I’m saying here is that girls are hating themselves because of what one male, a small speck of the earth, thinks of them. We give them our self worth, so when they approve of something we do, we feel good, but if they don’t like something we do, we feel like complete garbage, and beat ourselves up about it because of that one thing.

While I was with the boy I liked, there were obviously moments where I was completely infatuated with him because he laughed at my jokes, kissed me at the right times, and talked to me about real issues going on in our lives. But when I wasn’t with him, it’s like everything he did consumed my thoughts. Why isn’t he texting me back? Why’d he like her Instagram picture? When am I going to see him next? The most stupid, petty questions would run through my brain 24/7, and those were the thoughts that stressed me out more than college apps. When he told me that he had already told another girl he was taking  to his homecoming, after I had brought him to mine, I could have been like, “alright babe, that’s okay. We’ll figure it all out, don’t worry.” But if I would have said that—and taken the easy way out by blocking out the blatant truth—that would’ve meant I would’ve received some temporary happiness, but also gained a lot more of mental stress.

I felt like I did so much for him, and this was how he was going to treat me. In all truths, I wasn’t even really upset that I wasn’t going to a dance with him. Yeah, they’re fun and all, but it was almost like a test to see how much he cared about me. If I wasn’t at that dance, that just showed he was obviously not head over heels for me like I was for him. So, I decided to just rationally tell him how I felt.

I’m not just someone to hangout with on the weekends, someone to hold hands with, or text cute stuff to. I’m a person, and I have feelings, and I deserve to be treated with respect. As much as I hated it, I knew I had to let him go because (hashtag, epiphany moment) I finally realized that I wasn’t going to keep playing these games. Although I liked him immensely (and will still have feelings for him because those can’t just go away), it wasn’t worth my time if I knew I wasn’t going to be number one. Some may perceive this as selfish, but for girls our age it’s actually the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves. That is how we start to become independent and see ourselves as spectacular individuals, and hopefully one day, find out who we truly are.

While we were texting about the situation, I knew that this was it. After giving it one night’s rest, I woke up the next morning feeling ten times better than I had the previous night. And maybe if a similar situation like this has happened to you, it might not take just a day. Since I had that positive mindset, I knew that life was going to go on. Each and every girl, no matter what color, shape, or size, deserves the best. And I know this is a quote you hear on television, read in books, and get told to you by your friends, but I guess there will be a time when you believe that it is true, and right now, it’s my time. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been played by a guy, and the way boys used to perceive me, as a doormat, was how I used to see myself because I relied on their opinions and value for my self esteem. But with time, I was fed up. Something had to change.

We all have our insecurities and times of sadness, and right now, this situation is a time of that for me. But, what I’ve learned over the years is that you make your own happiness, and whatever you’re going through, “this too shall pass.” I’m sorry if this article has more cliches than you can count, but I really feel like I can’t phrase it any other way. It pains me to see that girls repeatedly go back to guys that think they’re the reason that girl is happy. I don’t know what the girl’s getting out of it- sex, a “girlfriend” label, someone to talk to when they’re lonely? Honestly, I don’t really know, because I’m not that girl. I believe that if girls stand up to the boys that give them anything less than perfect, we will truly soar. Girls’ self esteems will sky rocket, and if they don’t put their time and energy on that one boy, they can do things they’ve never imagined. There is a plethora of things to do that can to make you happy such as taking up a hobby like dancing, going to the gym, or spending time with a loved one. Or whether it’s the little things like finally getting an A on that History test in Mr. Edwards’ class, or nailing that triple pirouette in dance class; happy independence is so possible to be achieved.

I know we’re young, and it’s fun to experiment with different boys. What I’m NOT saying is that we should start an “I Hate Boys Forever” club at Niles West and forget them all together, because there are great people out there, and that one guy I liked is one of them. But the next time you start crushing on a guy, I’m asking (more like pleading) you to not give your power over to him so that when he doesn’t approve or accept you, you start to think, “oh, maybe I should change,”  because that is so so so wrong.

Individuality is a gift that each one of us should cherish, and your self esteem is also one too because that’s what’s going to help you get through life. Each one of you has a friend, family member, and teacher that loves you unconditionally. If you can remind that to yourself every day that you’re beautiful, strong, and worthy of being loved, it will come true. And even if that means looking in the mirror and saying it, that’s okay. I mean, that’s what I do! And maybe, right now, that’s what you need in this time of growing up more than anything else.